A Victor's Choice
by pookieortega
Summary: As long as we perform we'll stay together. As long as we perform Prim will be safe. I look to Peeta and he looks away unable to meet my eyes. Doesn't matter, you don't have to make eye contact during sex. *warning: prostitution * post victory tour
1. chapter 1

Warning: this has prostitution, sex, cussing, rape, and violence. It's a very explicit story.

Katniss pov

I'm suffocating. The smell of blood and synthetic roses fills my nose. It's dark. But I hear voices.

Snow.

I hear his laughter.

Prim.

I hear her scream.

I call out to her but my voice doesn't work.

I shoot up from the bed. It was just a dream. My whole body is covered in a cold sweat. I hear the heavy thunder outside my window. Even though that, I can hear the tread of Peeta's steps.

They say tomorrow we'll be in the capitol. This victory tour hasn't been easy on any of us. But we'll be home soon. And then I can somewhat relax until the reaping. I hope.

I stand up and walk towards the door. Wandering around the halls helps me when I can't sleep. Sometimes I stop in the room that has a fireplace in it. The smell of burning wood reminds me of home.

Peeta wanders the hall at night too. Most nights I hear his heavy footsteps. It doesn't bother me because I'm usually up anyways. I walk down the hallway to the kitchen so I can grab a cup of tea.

When I open the door I find that there's someone there.

"I'm sorry-"I start, thinking that it's someone from the crew.

Peeta turns around and leans up against the counter. He crosses his arms over his flour covered chest and says,"can't sleep?"

I shake my head.

"Me neither."

"What are you doing?"I ask.

"Oh, I'm just making bread...It's almost 5, which is usually when I would wake up to make the morning bread. Baker's hours,"he explains.

"Oh,"I say. I step closer to him and reach for his hair. "You got flour in your hair."

He blushes as I wipe it out.

"Thank you,"he says softly.

"So what are you doing in here?"He says.

"I'm making tea, do you want any?"

"Sure,"he says nodding.

It doesn't take long for the water to boil. These capitol boilers are way quicker than the one I grew up with. By the time I have the tea ready, Peeta has the bread in the oven.

"Sugar?" I ask.

"No,"he says making a disgusted face. "It makes it too sweet."

I smile at his words. It Peeta would be sweet enough to not have sugar in his tea.

I hand him the mug and he thanks me. "It's really pouring out there,"he says looking out the window.

"Yeah, Effie's umbrella might actually come into use,"I say. Peeta laughs along with me as we think about that dumb umbrella Effie carries around, even when the weather is nice.

I head towards the door but freeze when I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"Where are you going?" He asks. I loom over my shoulder to find his blue eyes staring back at mine.

"I'm going to sit by the fireplace. Do you want to join me?" I say softly.

He nods.

We walk in silence.

This whole tour has been trying on Peeta and mine's relationship. Things are more confusing than ever. One night he's holding me at night, keeping the nightmares away. The next night he's kissing me in his room. And the next he's not even talking to me.

Not that I blame him.

This hasn't been the best situation for him.

We sit down on the couch on opposite sides and sip our tea in silence. I stare into the flames. I wish they would consume me whole. I wish my dress would actually catch on fire. And then this would all be over.

"Katniss?" I snap out of my thoughts. "You seem distracted."

"I guess I am."

He sips his tea and then sets it down on the table next to him. I have finished my tea. That's when I realize how cold it is. The nightgowns Cinna designed for me aren't exactly the most practical. And it's quite cold in here, even with the fire.

"Cold?" Peeta asks looking concerned.

I nod.

He opens is arm up motioning for me to lay with him. I scoot over to his side of the couch and lean against him. I rest against his chest and he leans his chin on my head.

The sweater that he wears is very warm and smells like him. I listen to his heartbeat and before I know it, I'm lulled to sleep.

When I wake up Peeta is asleep. I hear the gruff cough of Haymitch as he walks through the room. "Oh, there you two are. Effie has been looking all over for you."

"Why?" I ask.

"You're prep teams are ready for you. You have an important meeting today."

"Haymitch what are you talking about?"

"You'll want some of this,"he says holding up a bottle of alcohol,"you have a meeting with the president."

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Peeta looks just as horrified.

I start hyperventilating.

"Here sweetheart, have a drink,"he says handing me the bottle. It burns as it goes down, but the effect is nice.

When my prep team gets to me, they fret over my hair and nails. I've been biting my nails. "Katniss darling, please stop ruining your nails!" Octavia says.

Cinna walks in and smiles at me,"there's my beautiful star,"he says.

"Cinna,"I smile and it's actually genuine.

"Today I've decided to go with a very elegant version of yourself. I want you to look like yourself."

"And why is that?"

"Because, when you walk into that meeting with the president, I don't want him to have the satisfaction of seeing you dressed up in the way he makes you. I want him to see you."

"Thank you, Cinna."

He keeps my makeup minimal. When I look in the mirror I still look like me. I wear a simple green dress and my hair is in a side braid.

Peeta walks out in a light blue button up shirt tucked into beige slacks. Much like he wore to the reaping.

The reaping wasn't that long ago, but yet I feel like we were so young. I feel like we are so much older now.

"You look beautiful,"Peeta says, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Thank you," I say smiling.

"You look like you,"he adds.

"And so do you,"I say softly.

"Come on kids, we gotta get a move on. Let's get this over with and get out of this hell hole." Haymitch says.

"Haymitch!" Effie looks very offended.

"Sorry, Sweetheart, but none of us like it here."

The crowd cheers as we walk up to Snows Mansion. I feel sick. The last place I want to be is in the home of the devil.

Peeta squeezes my hand. I know he's feeling the same way.

We are escorted into the mansion by Effie and Haymitch. It smells heavily of blood and roses. I want to choke.

His assistant greets us at the door, along with his granddaughter. She's younger than I thought. When she sees me she squeals. "Katniss Everdeen! I am your biggest fan!"

I'm taken aback by this.

The granddaughter of my enemy is my biggest fan?

She runs forward and hugs me. She's no older than Prim.

I don't know what to do. Thankfully the assistant pulls her off and sends her away.

"The president is waiting for you."

She leads us to a grand office where Snow is waiting.

Peeta holds my hand tightly as we walk in. He sits at his desk and smiles.

"There are my two victors, have a seat."

Peeta and I do as he says. "I'm going to get right to it. Everyone is in love with the two star crossed lovers. And they would like to see the love in action."

"Isn't that already what they're seeing?"Peeta asks.

"Ah, my dear boy, but they want more. They want a more intimate view."

"Prostitution." I spit the word as if it were filled with poison.

"Exactly. And I will give you a choice. Either you can stay together, most people want to see the star crossed lovers together, and no patron can touch you. Only each other. Or you'll be sold separately, and you won't have to touch each, there are many patrons who desire to touch you. But it is your choice. I'll give you a moment to decide."

He stands up and walks out a door behind the desk. Peeta grips his chair tightly. He looks like he is about to throw up.

I want to scream. He can't do this to us.

"It's up to you... either I rape you or a stranger." He doesn't look at me.

"Peeta, I can't-"I start. I choke on my sobs. I don't want this. I don't want any of this.

"I don't care, just make a choice!" He yells.

"You." I whisper.

He nods, his eyes squeezed shut.

"Okay."

I don't want to do this to him, but I just can't imagine any other man touching me. I don't want to think about any other man putting his hands on me. Or any woman putting her hands on Peeta.

"For Prim,"he adds.

I can't help but stare at him. At a time where he deserves to be selfish he is still thinking of me and why I'm even going through all of this. And in all truth, he cares about Prim so much.

"For Prim," I whisper.

I wipe the tears from my eyes. Snow walks back in and I can't help but glare into his snake eyes.

"So, have you come to a decision?"

"Together,"Peeta says in a lifeless voice.

"Then it's settled. As long as your performance is good, you'll get to stay together. However if it fails, then you'll be separated. You'll make a pretty penny,"he smirks.

As we leave he calls to me at the door,"oh and Katniss, do say hi to your sister for me."


	2. Chapter 2

Peeta pov

I pace in my room. Thinking about everything. When we got back from our meeting, we went to dinner. Neither of us ate, we just sat in silence. Afterwards, Haymitch pulled me aside. "Boy, we need to talk,"he said.

He leads me to the bar and takes a seat. I sit next to him as he pours me a drink. He takes a drink of his and then sighs. "I was told of your decision."

I scoff,"decision."

"You made the right choice. It's better that you two stick together. I don't trust those filthy perverts. They're all in cahoots with Snow. Each one pays millions for the games. You may not feel it, but you're lucky."

"What do you mean lucky? Haymitch, I'm being forced to rape the girl I've been in love with since I was 5!"

"Better you than any of them. Those people are pigs. And they'll do anything they desire. Much worse than you. They would go beyond rape. Borderline dehumanization. You don't want that, Peeta. For her sake. For your sake. I wouldn't wish that on any of you."

"And they can't touch us at all?"I say.

"As long as you perform, they can't lay a finger on you."

I nod and take a sip of the liquid he poured for me. It burns going down my throat, but I suck it up.

"Haymitch, have you ever-" I pause and he nods.

"After I first won. I was still young. They sold me for a while, until I started drinking. I would show up drunk which made the patrons unhappy. I paid for it but I didn't stop. Eventually Snow got the message and he stopped sending me. But my family paid for that."

We sit in silence.

I take in his words. And I remind myself why we chose what we chose. To save Prim. To save my family. To save Katniss.

"We're staying in the capitol for a week. Tomorrow you have a prep day, and the next you start your first performance."

I feel sick to my stomach. They're already having us prepare for it.

"I have something for you,"he says pulling out a small case. "Portia went through a lot of trouble to get these."

I open the case to find it filled with little white pills.

"What are these?"

"It will make you aroused, in case you have trouble performing. Katniss will be given the same. We can't risk you not being able to get it up."

I gulp looking at the pills.

I'm disgusted and thankful at the same time. I know Haymitch is just trying to look out for us. And I'm thankful for that. He was the one who talked Snow into keeping us together instead of separating us.

"Now for the hard part of my job... I've been asked to talk to you about some things. Peeta you're 18 so I assume you know how sex works-"

"Oh my God, Haymitch are you giving me a sex talk?"

"I don't want to do this anymore than you, but I have to."

"Oh God,"I sigh as I sink into my chair.

"Peeta are you a virgin?"

I'm silent.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Well, you're a guy so I'm going to assume that you know about oral sex, fingering, and anal-"

"Haymitch, can I stop you right there,"I say blushing deeply,"I know about sex. I just haven't done it yet. I don't need you to go into detail about how to eat some out."

"Alright, then you know what a clitoris is then."

"A what?"

Haymitch starts to laugh. "It's a bundle on nerves at the tip of the vagina. You'll want to be sure to hit it a lot if you want her to have a good time."

I take another drink. I see why Haymitch drinks this all the time. It makes times like this easier.

"As far as protection, you don't have to worry about a condom because they're giving her a shot that lasts for six months."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation."I groan.

"Remember not ever girl orgasms-"

"Stop! I can't do this!" I say standing up.

Haymitch starts to chuckle but I just continue to my room. When I turn the corner I slam into something small and hard. Katniss groans in pain. I help her up from the floor and apologize.

"Running from the sex talk?" She asks.

I nod,"you?"

"As much as I love watching Effie fluster and turn as red as her wig over words like penis and erect, I couldn't take much."

She reddens at the word. So pure.

"Nothing compared to Haymitch talking about orgasms and oral sex."

"At least he had the decency to get you alcohol."

"How about I steel a bottle of that interesting Carmel colored liquid and we go back to my room."I say.

"I'd like that,"she says.

So I walk back to the bar where Haymitch still sits and take the bottle.

"Have fun,"he says.

When I get into the room, Katniss is already laying on my bed. I hand her the bottle and she takes a swig. She coughs and sets it aside. I take it and take a swig too. She takes it back and tries again.

"How can Haymitch drink this? It's disgusting."

I sit down next to her and take her hand.

"Katniss,"I say looking into her eyes,"I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" She asks.

"If I wouldn't have said that I was in love with you, we wouldn't be in this situation."

"But we both wouldn't be here."she says caressing my face. I lean in and kiss her lips. Both of our lips taste like alcohol. She gets up on her knees and holds onto my face as she kisses me. I fall back on my forearms as she climbs on top of me straddling my side.

She kisses my jaw and I move my hands to grab onto her hips.

Her hands move into my hair as she sucks onto my lips. My pants become tighter as she moves against me.

"Stop." I say pulling away from her.

"What?" She asks.

"Katniss, I can't."

"Peeta,"she starts but I caress her chin.

"I want to Katniss, but I want the first real time to be because you love me. Not because you're hiding from something."

She sighs but I know she understands.

"I guess I'll just go then." She stands up but I grab her wrist.

"Please don't."

She nods and then curls up with me. Tomorrow the horror starts, but tonight we can relax. Just the two of us. As innocent as one can be after the games.

* * *

Katniss pov

I wake up curled up next to Peeta. Haymitch screams from the other side of the door. I sit up groaning, my head hurting. Peeta groans too, rolling over.

"Hurry up, your prep teams are here."

I stand up and walk out of the room. "Hurry up, sweetheart." Haymitch says. I roll my eyes and go to my room. My prep team is already in there. As soon as I walk in they fluster over me.

Octavia strips me and sits me down on a chair. They pour a weird liquid on my skin. It burns for a second then it cools and it smells like cucumbers. Fresh. Then they start waxing every inch of my skin.

After they poor a green lotion onto my skin that smells like mint. It feels nice.

"We want you to be as relaxed as possible,"Flavius says as he leans the chair back and massages conditioner into my hair. It feels nice. Cinna walks in and I smile at him.

Except he doesn't look too happy.

"What is it?" I ask.

"There's been a change of plans. Today is no longer a whole relax day. There's going to be a presentation. An auction."

"An auction?"

"Yes,"he sighs,"tonight you and Peeta will be paraded in front of patrons and bided on."

My stomach feels like it's been tied in knots.

He sends the others away for a moment. Cinna takes both of my hands and says,"be strong. Remember I'm still counting on you girl on fire."

He does my makeup in dark Smokey eyes. Then shows me what I'll be wearing. I gasp when I see it. It's a lace body suit with garters and ribbons. It leaves little to imagination and I cringe when I remember that I'll be wearing it.

He helps me into it and I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is in big crazy waves. He covers me in a silk black robe.

Right as I step out of the room, Peeta is walking down the hall. He is dressed in a robe like mine and black boxers.

We look at each other silently. Then Peeta reaches out to grab my hands and we walk in silence. Haymitch meets us but he doesn't say anything. That seems to be the theme for today. Silence.

We're rushed to the car and into the the same stage that we've been pushed on, time after time.

Only this time we walk out exposed to hundreds of perverts who want to buy us. I hold his hand tightly and close my eyes. Two avoxes walk up to us and rip away our robes. The only thing hiding us.

It doesn't go by fast enough. By the time it's over we have a line up for the week. And when the patron who is going to see us loose our virginity, comes up to greet us I feel like I'm going to be sick.

I throw on the way to the tribute center.

I can't do this.


	3. Chapter 3

Katniss Pov

I collapse on the floor next to where I vomited. Peeta walks over to me and slips his arms underneath my legs and back, cradling me in his arms. He lifts me, and when the elevator door opens, he rushes us to the room. I feel like I'm suffocating. I press my nose into his chest. It's bare so I can smell him. Not the scents of the capitol. He smells like him. Dill and cinnamon with a hint of roses from the showers.

I close my eyes and focus on breathing.

He sets me down on my bed. I open my eyes to meet his. He hands me a cold wet rag and a cup of water. I thank him.

He goes to walk away but I grab his hand. "Please stay."

He shakes his head, not meeting my eyes. "I can't. Not tonight."

I'm disappointed but I understand. Tomorrow our hell starts. I don't sleep. I spend hour after hour tossing and turning until finally I get up and walk around the floor.

It's the same place we stayed before the games. The tribut center. First I walk into the dinning area. Everything in here is blue, green, and purple.

I pass by a little bar where Haymitch spends most of his time. I reach for a bottle with a copper liquid. I unscrew the cap and sniff it. This will do.

It burns going down my throat but the warm feeling in my body is welcoming.

Before I know it, I've downed the whole thing. My hands reach for some sweets but my hands don't do what I want and I knock over the bowl. I laugh as the candies scatter across the floor.

I walk over to an armless statue and put my arm around it. "I'm so sorry you're missing your arms. Peeta doesn't have a leg, maybe you two could be friends. But not to close, because he's mine."

"Katniss?" I hear from behind me.

Peeta stands at the foot of the hall in a thin robe. I smile when I see him. He's so pretty. Such a pretty boy. I can see why all the ladies are after him.

"Katniss, you're drunk."

I didn't realize it, but I had said that out loud.

"Am not!" I say throwing my arm out. The bottle slips out of my hand and shatters as it hits the floor. I cover my mouth and giggle.

Peeta sighs.

I run towards him but my feet and my mind aren't on the same track. I stumble down the stairs that lead to the living room.

Peeta runs over to me and grabs my hand. "You're bleeding."

I look at my hand. He's right, I landed in the broken glass from the bottle. When did that happen? Peeta seems to be spinning.

I place a hand on his face and say,"why are you spinning?"

His hands goes underneath my body and lifts me into his arms. "Come on. You're drunk. I need to take care of your cuts."

"Peeta how are you so beautiful?" I ask him. I see a hint of a smile on his face. I place a hand on his chest and run it down towards the strings holding his robe together.

"Katniss, no!" He scolds.

"You're body is hot. H.O.T. Hot! Seeing you in that speedo made me hot."

"Sit." He says putting me on the toilet. Why is he ignoring my complement?

He takes my hand and I wince in pain. "This is going to hurt." He says before pouring a clear liquid on it. It burns. Then he takes a bandage wrap, and wraps my arm.

"Thank you,"I say then leaning in to kiss him.

He pulls away after a second. Then he stands up and helps me to his bed. "Come on, let's get you to bed." I sit down on the bed and before he can walk away, I wrap my arms around his waist and pull him down to the bed.

He lands with a thud against the mattress. I run my fingers through his hair and tug his lips towards mine. He bites my lip and kisses me one last time before pulling away. "Time to sleep,"he says.

* * *

I wake up with a pounding headache. I groan in pain.

Peeta walks in to the room with two cups and hands me one. "You'll need this. I had it specially ordered."

I drink it and instantly feel a thousand times better.

"What happened?" I ask looking at my hand.

"You drank a whole bottle of liquor by yourself. When I walked in you were telling a mannequin how pretty I am. Then you dropped the bottle and stumbled down the stairs."

"Ugh, I feel like I've been hit with a pound of bricks. What else?"

He smiles and shakes his head,"you got a little handsy."

"What!" I loom at him horrified.

"I couldn't sleep because you kept trying to force your hands down my pants."

"Oh no. I'm so sorry," I say.

"It alright. Your prep team is waiting for you. I begged them to let you sleep and extra half hour."

"Thank you."

After hours of being plucked, bleached, and filed, my body reminds me of one of those Barbie dolls the capitol was advertising for little girls.

I'm put into a simple black dress. Only my underwear is completely lace and see through. Peeta comes out in a black suit. You would think that we were going to a nice dinner party or something.

"Got the pills?" Haymitch asks us.

We both pull out the containers.

"Good luck. Remember, greet your guest. Be polite,"Effie says as if we were hosting a party. She fixes a stray hair. She looks more worried than usual. Not as perky.

"Thank you, Effie." I say.

She smiles a fake smile. Or maybe it's the only genuine smile I've ever seen from her. It's hard to tell sometimes with her.

"Let's go,"she says softly. She looks like she's about to cry.

We arrive at building I don't recognize. Inside there are two smaller waiting rooms where Peeta and I will be separated. They both lead into the room where we'll be 'performing'.

"Right this way, Ms Everdeen." A lady says leading me into the room. A man takes Peeta to the other one.

Inside there is food and water bottles. I can imagine wanting to eat before this. There's a silk robe hanging on a hanger. A note and white rose lays on the table. I walk over to look at it.

"Ms Everdeen, congratulations on your first patron. The money will be sent to your home. Please keep this robe as a token to remember this night. I look forward to seeing how it goes. May the odds be ever in your favor.

-President Snow"

I feel sick.

I take one of the water bottles and pop the pill in my mouth. Time to get this over with. Behind the robe is a set of white lingerie. It says wear me on a note attached to it.

I quickly change and put on the robe. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself.

A knock on the door tells me it's time.

With shaking hands I open the door. Peeta walks out just as I do. The patron sits on a couch that rests facing the bed. It's a big bed.

I swallow hard.

"Welcome!" The patron says,"I know it's both of yours first time. So I want you to take as long as you need. I'm patient as long as you put on a good show." He winks. "And you might feel a little awkward, but don't worry. Act as if I'm not here. I'll give you some pointers though."

Peeta is the first to speak. "Thank you," he says softly. But not in the soft way he uses with me when we're together, but a timid scared soft.

Peeta takes my hand and looks me in the eyes carefully. He leads me to the bed and leans in to whisper in my ear. "Just follow my lead."

He starts out kissing my lips. Then my neck. His hands reach out to caress my cheek. His lips feel mechanical against mine. I wonder if this is how it felt when I kissed him during the games. Fake.

He moves his hand to my thigh and pulls me closer to him. He takes his time with each kiss. As if he was trying to postpone everything.

"Take her robe off."

Peeta tenses and his fingers move to slip the robe of my shoulders. I do the same to him. Peeta kisses by my ear and says,"I'm going to lean you back. And kiss you. I want you to whimper."

He does Ashe says, and as he kisses my stomach and legs, I let out a fake soft whimper. It sounds horrible to me but it must sit well with the patron because he lets out a soft groan.

"Take it all off."

Peeta sits up slowly and takes off his underwear. I know he's doing it to distract him from forcing me out of my clothes.

"Wait a minute, you aren't even hard yet? With a girl like that, how could you not be? Want some liquid courage?" He holds up a bottle like the one from last night.

Peeta sits uncomfortably and clears his throat,"just give me a minute. It's a lot to take in."

Peeta slips the pill in his mouth before the guy can notice. Then he grabs himself and slowly starts to move his hand. I try to avoid looking at his body. I focus on my hands.

"Wait, I want her to do that."

I look at Peeta in terror. He guides my hand to his thigh and whispers,"just wrap your hand around it. Then move up and down."

I brace myself before I reach out and grab him member. I don't look. It's softer than I thought it'd be. Peeta closes his eyes and bites his lip. He's trying not to feel pleasure, I can tell. He tries to still his hips from thrusting into my hand, but every once in a while he slips. He grips the sheets.

"I think we're good," he says after about two minutes.

I glance down for a quick second out of curiosity. It's thick and pink. There's a clear liquid coming out of the tip. It's a lot longer than I thought it'd be. And I'm suddenly scared of how it's going to fit.

Peeta stands up and moves in front of me. He reaches for the clasp to my bra and fumbles with it for a minute. When he gets it, he continues to cover me.

He helps me onto the middle of the bed. His hands cup my breasts and his fingers ghost over my nipples making them hard. I could be the pill kicking in, but I feel my center starting to get wet and hot.

He bites my neck and whispers,"I'm going to get close to um.. down there. Every once in a while moan my name and grin my hair or the sheets."

I want to ask him why but I know that I have to trust him. I'm guessing the look I gave him is concerning because he says,"please trust me."

He moves down my body slowly. His hands slip into the top of my panties, and I become very tense. I know he's going to see me. All of me.

No one beside my mom and my prep team have seen me naked before. His movements are gentle and he makes eye contact with me, making sure I'm okay but I can't meet eyes with him for long. It's too personal.

Intimate.

His hands brace my thighs. Then he moves his thumb to run down my slit. I bite my lip. It's extremely sensitive.

"You're so wet,"he says out loud. I know it's for show but I can help but feel self-concious. Then he slips a finger into my fold and I squeak.

"Spread her wider. I want to see her."

Peeta tenses and closes his eyes before slowly moving away and spreading my legs wider. I want to scream and run but for the sake of Prim, I stay there and try to think of anything else.

I hear a groan coming from his direction and I try not to look, but I have to. The patron is rubbing himself and now I really wished I didn't look. Peeta returns to his place and mouths "don't look."

I focus on the ceiling and count tiles.

He pushes another finger in, this one a little deeper. I bite my lip. This pill is making everything sensitive to his touch.

I let out another fake moan.

He goes in deeper.

Another moan.

Slowly he moves his fingers in and out. My hips start to move on their own with his fingers. And for the first time I let out a real moan.

"Peeta,"I gasp.

Then he leans his head in and I feel his lips touch my core. His nose presses against a spot that makes me actually have to grip the sheets. That's when his tongue slips inside me and I reach down to grab his curls.

This actually feels kinda good. I'm sure it would feel a thousand times better if we were doing this on our own. If we weren't forced to do this, I would hope that someday Peeta and I can do this out of want and love. But we don't have that luxury.

His tongue runs across my whole slit and back in. I moan his name again and my hips thrust against his face. I inwardly curse myself for that.

I hate how good this feels. Just another thing for Snow to take away from me.

He groans against my core, sending shocks through my body. He sucks on that spot where his nose touched earlier and my legs start to shake.

He inserts his fingers back into me and thrusts them a little faster than before. I try not to scream too loudly. Or maybe I should. It would make a great show.

Peeta starts to pull away from me. He comes back up to my head and presses a kiss to my lips. It's weird kissing him, knowing where he's been.

And honestly, I'm a little afraid how he knew how to do that so well.

"Good job," he whispers. I meet his eyes and they look blank. No expression or feeling.

"Now it's her turn." The man says.

Oh no. I don't know how to do any oth this.

Peeta says,"just lick it a few times and put it in your mouth. You'll want to bob your head up and down."

But the guy catches what he says and comments,"she's never sucked you off before?"

Peeta shakes his head.

"This will be good. I love coaching." I tense even more.

"Get on your knees,"the man says,"and put your hand at the base of his cock."

I do as he says hesitantly.

"Spit on your hand."

I look up to Peeta but he just nods. So I do that too.

"Now move your hand like you did before, like this," the guy says showing me on himself. I don't watch, I just focus on Peeta, whose hand is making circles on his thigh.

"Now put your mouth on him and lick it." His skin tastes salty.

"Suck on the tip."

The guy gets up and stands near us. I feel even more uncomfortable but I keep reminding myself that he can't touch us. We have a deal.

I put the tip in my mouth, careful not to scrape my teeth against him. I don't want to hurt Peeta. That's when I feel a hand push my head down. He hits the back of my throats hard and I chock.

"What the hell! You can't touch her!" Peeta says angrily. The man backs away and says,"just showing her how to do it. Peeta continues to glare at the guy.

"Are you okay?" Peeta asks me. No but I nod anyways.

I start to bob my head on his member for a little bit. Peeta bites back moans but they slip out. His hip snaps up, forcing him in my throats a little farther than appreciated, but I don't chock.

This doesn't go on for long though. He stops me and says,"I won't be able to last." I don't understand his meaning, but I do as he says.

Peeta lays me back down ont the bed and says,"time for the real thing." I look at him terrified. "I'll be gentle."

He climbs in between my legs. I watch as he lines himself up with me. I close my eyes tightly as he starts to push inside me. It hurts. I feel like I'm being torn in half. Tears slip from my eyes as he breaks a barrier inside me. I whimper and he freezes.

"I'm so sorry,"he whispers. I open my eyes to find him crying. I wipe a tear from his cheek to let him know I'm okay and it's not his fault. He pushes in more until he can't go anymore. Peeta starts to pull out, and then thrusts back into my slowly. He stops again to let me adjust.

Once I'm more adjusted, he starts to thrust more frequently. I watch as he bites his lip and close his eyes. He suppresses a groan.

This goes on for a while until his body stills and I feel his member twitch inside me before a hot fluid fills me.

Peeta collapses on me but quickly rolls to the side. He pulls me into his body, trying to protect me. "I'm sorry,"he whispers.

But I'm just numb to everything.

As we walk to the elevator, I notice the looks Peeta is giving me.

"Stop looking at me like I'm a hurt child."I gumble.

"Sorry. It's just- you're limping. And I know I'm the reason. I'm so sorry."

"Stop. If we're going to get through this, you have to stop apologizing. It's not your fault. You were raped just as much as I was. So stop apologizing. We're in this together."

He nods. The rest of the walk is silent.

When I get into my room, I close the door before Peeta can follow me. I need to be alone. I rest against the door and slide to the floor. I sigh and that's when I start to cry. I have to remind myself my will to live; Prim.


	4. Chapter 4

Peeta Pov

I lean against my door and sink to the floor. I cry as I think about the horrible thing I did. That Snow made me do. I can never look at her the same. I have no hope of ever being able to touch her again in a normal way. It's tainted.

Before I had hoped that someday we would fall in love, get married, and have kids. But now, I don't know if I can even look at her the same.

I stand up and angrily throw a vase. Everything I've ever wanted has been given to me in a sick twisted way. I wanted to talk to Katniss, and I got reaped. I wanted to kiss Katniss, and I got thrown into this 'star crossed lovers' regime. I wanted to make love to her, and instead I was forced to rape her.

My eyes burn with tears as pace around my room in anger. I've never been one to be violent, but this has driven me to my breaking point. Seeing the pain in her face as I force my way into her, was my breaking point.

After knocking over a few things, I finally Drive my fist into the dry wall. My prosthetic gets caught on the rug which causes me to tumble to the ground. My hand is broken, I'm sure of that. I'm not a stranger to pain though. So I just lay there on the floor, surrounded by broken glass and bits of wall. I bring my knees to my chest and I just lay there as the tears burn my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

Eventually sleep finds me. I wake up to the sound of Haymitch's grumbles as he pulls me from the ground and to my bed. I groan when I look at my hand.

"Rough night,"he says more of a statement than a question.

I just stay quiet.

"Well, it looks like you managed to break your hand and your prosthetic. We'll need to take you do the medical center. I thought Katniss was the one with the anger problems."

"I don't want to talk about it, Haymitch." I say.

"Suit yourself. I'll send in a wheelchair for you in five minutes and then we'll take you." He stands up and throws some clothes at me. "And put some clothes on. "

I do as he says and put on the clothes. Soon an avox comes in with a wheelchair. He tries to help me but I shake him off. "It's okay. I got it." I say as I climb into the chair. I start to roll myself but realize it's hard to do it with one hand. So I allow him to push me.

He looks familiar but I can't remember how. His red hair is vivid in my mind. Katniss is just walking out when we pass her room. She freezes when she sees me.

"What happened?" She asks.

"It doesn't matter." I say.

She looks at the avox and says,"it's okay Darius. I can take him."

He nods and walks away. She takes his place and starts to push me. "So where are you going?"

"The medical center." She has dark circles around her eyes. She hasn't slept.

"Okay."

She pushes me in silence. We make it to the elevator and at the bottom floor we are met with peacekeepers. Probably to make sure we get where we need to be.

When we get there, she sits next to me in a chair. I don't meet her eyes as she stares at me. "Quit looking at me like I'm a kicked puppy."

She continues to stare at me silently.

"You won't stop until I tell you what happened, huh?"

She nods.

"Last night I lost it and broke everything in my room. Then I punched a wall and fell and broke my prosthetic."

She nods slowly as she takes in the information. "My night was pretty similar. Except I didn't break my hand or leg...attachment."

"So, a rough night too..."

"We're going to have plenty of those."I say.

The doctor calls me in but stops Katniss. "Family only." I looks at her apologetically. She nods and takes a seat in the waiting room.

After a while, I come out with a wrapped hand, and a cane.

She stands up, her expression unreadable. So I walk over to her and wrap my arm with the wrapped hand around her back. Again, we walk in silence.

When we get back to our living quarters, Katniss instantly runs to her room. Maybe I took it to far? Baby steps Mellark.

Haymitch is at the bar 'listening' as Effie rambles on about her day.

When I walk past them, she gasps and says,"Peeta! What happened?!"

"I fell Effie."

Haymitch knows this is a lie but he goes along with it. Eventually she stops pestering me with questions. When I enter my room, it's already cleaned up. Everything replaced, as if nothing ever happened.

I walk over to my bed and collapse on it.

I hear the door open but that's all I hear. I sit up to see Katniss walking towards me with a tray. She sets it down on the table and lays down next to me.

I roll over to face her. Her eyes bore into mine. She runs her fingers through my hair and tears slip down her cheeks.

Tears slip down my face too as I look at her. She's broken. And so am I. She leans in closer to me and places her head on my chest, listening to my heartbeat.

Our tears eventually turn into sobs and we hold each other closer. Then she looks into my eyes and says,"things will never be the same."

"I think we knew that when our names were called."

We sleep for a while like this. When I wake up she's still asleep. So I get up as carefully as I can and slip into the shower. My unwrapped hand runs through my hair as I lean against the wall. My prosthetic lays against the wall outside of the shower.

The warm water feels nice over my sore body. I close my eyes and brace both hands on the wall as I stand underneath the water.

When I walk out, Katniss is gone.

I sigh and get dressed. I make my way to the dinning hall, the soup left forgotten.

Everyone is there at the table.

I sit down and Haymitch clears his throat. "You guys have another appointment tonight." He says.

"Already?" I ask.

"You two are new. And everyone loves the star crossed lovers. So you're going to get a lot of appointments right away. It will go down over time. And eventually you'll only have regulars you see once a week. It's Snow's way of breaking you... sadly I recognize the name. This guy was a regular of Johanna Mason. You're lucky he's not allowed to lay a finger on you."

My mind flashes to this man trying to hit Katniss and my blood boils instantly.

I clench my teeth and stare at my plate.

Katniss storms away. After a few hours of me just staring at my plate, Effie taps me on the shoulder and says,"it's time to go Peeta. There's no prep team today."

I stand and follow her out the door. Before I walk into my dressing room, she places her hands on each side

Of my face and says sadly,"I am so sorry, Peeta. You deserve so much more. My handsome victor..."

She clears her throat before putting on a fake smile and wiping a tear.

She really does care about us. I don't care what anyone says about her. She's been more of a mother to my than my own.

Before I walk in, I keep in mind what Haymitch said. Who knows what can be on the other side. He may be into all that weird leather and chocking stuff I saw on a capitol magazine. As long as I'm the one getting hit, I can get through this. I'm use to abuse.

When I slip in I find that there is no outfit for me today. Just a note that says take everything off.

Apparently he likes everything natural. That's why there was no prep team.

I step in and the guy welcomes us. He's a tall man with bronze skin and cold eyes. He smiles and says,"go ahead and make yourself confortable."

I eye him as I walk over to the bed and lay down. Katniss walks in wearing a black leather bra and panty set. She looks at me nervously as she walks in.

"Take a seat,"he says to her. She sits down next to me. Then he says,"I like everything to look natural. But I want women to be put in their places. Don't be afraid to be a little rough." He winks.

My blood boils at that comment. How can he just treat women like this? It's disgusting. And he expects me to treat her like this?!

I bite my tongue.

"What's with your hand?"

"I broke it." I say with no emotion.

"Hmm... I better get a discount. You won't be able to spank her as hard."

I bite until I taste blood. This sick bastard-

"Go ahead. Start when you're ready."

I turn back and take the pill quickly. I turn back to Katniss and kiss her softly. Prolonging it as much as I can.

"Too soft. I want you to mad handle her. Grab that whore by the throat."

I see the anger in her eyes. I feel it too but I know I have to be the reasonable one here. So I whisper her name to remind her of the threat that looms over our head.

I kiss her with a little more force. I guide my tongue into her mouth. I want it to look like I'm taking her but not feel like it.

My good hand grips her hip as I move her onto my lap. I move my mouth to suck on her neck, leaving little marks.

Katniss lets out a moan but it's fake. I can tell.

"Take it off!" He yells.

Katniss closes her eyes as she reaches behind her to unhook her bra. My fingers fumble with the strings of her panties.

My fingers ghost over her center but the man barks at me,"this is about you. Not her. Put her in her place and take control. Let her pleasure you."

I really want to punch this guy. He throws something to it and I nearly throw up when I see it. It's a black leather whip.

"Bend her over and use it on her."

"I-I- uh..."

"Do you need a demonstration?" He says with an evil grin. I shake my head no. Katniss gets on all fours for me. She whispers,"i'd take you over him any day."

I sit up on my knees behind her. I hold the whip in my good hand my other hand on her hip. I gulp as I grip it tighter and stare at her plump ass. I pull my hand back and then swing it forward to land with a hard smack and a loud snap. She lunges forward and I hear her squeal.

There's a red mark where it hit her. I fight tears.

The man groans and says,"doesn't that just make you so hard?"

"No."

"What?" He says a little more serious.

"Peeta-"Katniss warns.

"Dephililing a woman doesn't make me hard."

"You better watch your words. Or I'll take that whip and have my way with her."

"You can't do that!" I say.

"I can. And I will. I paid for a show. I'll get what I want."

He stands up and yanks the whip out of my hand. I protest but he's pushed me off the bed and is already whipping Katniss right on her center. She buries her face in a pillow.

"STOP!" I cry out. He throw the whip at me and walks back to the chair.

"Now do what you were paid to do."

I run my hand over her center, hoping to make her feel a little better. Then I smack her right on the clit to appease our patron. She lets out another fake moan. I do it three more times before I grip her hips and slowly enter her from behind.

Her legs tremble. I know I'm hurting her. She tenses and I freeze, not wanting to hurt her anymore than I already have.

"Get on with it!" He yells from his chair. I start to slowly pull out of her and then push in again. She grips the sheet. To the patron it looks like pleasure, but to me, I know it's pain.

I run my hand back and forth over her hip, trying to soothe her. I lean forward so my body is against hers, and my mouth is by her ear.

"I'm so sorry,"I whisper to her.

"I know,"she whispers.

I kiss her to cover up everything. She forces all of her pain and emotion into this kiss, and I do the same. After a few more thrusts, we're stopped by the patron.

"Stop, before you blow your load-"I cringe at his terms," there's one more thing that I paid extra for.."

Katniss and I look at each other nervously.

"I want so anal action."

Katniss stares with her mouth wide open. But I'm angry. "No. That's where I draw the line." I say,"you will not make me do that to her. That will hurt her too much. We're done here."

"Fine." The man says. He crosses his arms and within seconds, peacekeepers storm the room. Two run over to Katniss and grab her by each arm, holder her to the headboard. Four surround me. One pushes me to the floor, the other two grab me by the arms. The fourth one and the first one pull out their batons and start to hit me in the chest and gut.

Pain wracks my body with each blow. Blood comes up with each cough. And black spots hinder my vision. I can faintly hear Katniss scream from the bed. But all I can think about is that time I broke my rib...

 _"PEETA MELLARK! GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!" My mom yells at me from the stairs. I continue to hide in the closet. I knew the moment I broke it that this would happen._

 _I hear footsteps nearing the door. And when it opens I start to cry, expecting a hit. But nothing happens. I look up to see my brother Barley. He's the oldest. We're ten years apart._

 _He crouches down next to me and places a hand in my shoulder. He smiles at me and says,"I won't hurt you. So how'd it happen?"_

 _"I was carrying the cake to the counter to get it ready for the wedding. I slipped on some butter that was spilt. I'm so sorry Barley. I didn't mean to ruin your wedding cake."_

 _He smiles and shakes his head,"it was an accident. And honestly I'm more worried about you than the cake. Mom isn't very happy. And hiding is only going to make it worse. I tried to talk to her. You're only eight. Your punishment shouldn't be too bad."_

 _We both know that doesn't matter. But I take comfort in his words anyways. For some reason I always get hit the most._

 _I stand up and wipe my tears. I puff out my chest and try to be like my older brother. He walks around fearlessly. He pats my back and says,"atta boy."_

 _But as soon as my foot hits that bottom step, I'm hit in the chest. I fall to the ground as she continues to hit me with the rolling pin. Because we have a bakery, we have this heavy duty metal rolling pin. That's her weapon of choice._

 _"STUPID BOY! HOW COULD YOU RUIN YOUR BROTHERS WEDDING DAY?!" She continues to scream at me as she beats me. Finally she steps away and angrily disappears._

 _Nick, my other brother and my father both lift me up but I can't stand. I'm in too much pain. Barley lifts my shirt and says,"his rib might be broken."_

 _"We need to take him to the Everdeens."_

 _"But your wed-"_

 _"Don't worry about it. Take him dad."_

 _"You know I can't-"_

 _"Fine. Then I will." Barley lifts me into his arms and walks out the door, followed by Nick. I groan in pain as he walks to the seam. Nick says,"he look on the bright side. You'll get to see Katniss. Maybe she'll feel so bad that she'll take care of you?"_

 _"Enough Nick." Barley warns._

 _It's dusk by the time we get to the seam. Nick knocks on the door to the Everdeen home. John Everdeen opens the door with a pleasant smile. Until he sees the state that I'm in._

 _"Come right in. You can lay him on the bed down the hall." He says before running to get his wife._

 _Delilah Everdeen runs into the room with her medical bag. "Oh dear, what happened?"_

 _We all stay quiet._

 _"You're the Mellark boys, right?"Mr. Everdeen asks. They nod._

 _Mrs. and Mr. Everdeen exchange looks before nodding. They know._

 _"Where was he hit?" She asks._

 _"The ribs. Right side."_

 _She lifts my shirt and sighs. "The bruising shows signs that it may be broken. Well have to just let it heal. Hopefully it's not shattered. I'm going to wrap his chest and give him medication. Sadly, there's not too much that I can do, but watch over him."_

 _She injects me with a medicine and starts to wrap my chest up. It's painful but it starts to fade as the medicine kicks in._

 _"Would you like some tea?" She offers my brothers._

 _Barley sighs and says,"I actually need to go. I'm getting married in less than half an hour."_

 _"Oh congratulations. We can bring him home. It's getting late, both of you should get home."_

 _They agree and thank them._

 _"Your Peeta, right?" Mrs. Everdeen asks._

 _"Yeah." I say shyly._

 _She smiles and says,"you're the same age as my daughter, Katniss."_

 _I nod._

 _"Would you like something to drink?" She asks. I nod. She smiles and says,"I'll get that for you. Just lay back and try to rest."_

 _She leaves me alone in the room. I lay there staring at the door. That's when I see an angel poke her head through. She hides her face with her dark hair as she watches from the door._

 _I've always watched her from afar, but she's never actually watched me back. My heart hammers at the sight of her. She smiles and then disappears. I blink as if she wasn't real. And soon I start to wonder if she is._

 _Even though I'm in all this pain, it was worth it because I got to see her._

I can feel arms dragging me onto a cold surface. I fairly hear cries. Then I feel her hands in my hair and on my face.

"Get back, Sweetheart. Let them do their work." I hear Haymitch say. I open my eyes for a second to see Katniss being help by Effie as she wipes her tears.

And that's when the world goes black.


	5. 5

Katniss pov

I refuse to leave his side. They lay him on his bed to let him rest. A nurse was sent in to check on him. She was there before we even got back. Snow knew exactly what he was doing. He was sending me a message. One that he knew I'd get.

Peeta isn't safe.

No one is.

Peeta lays on his bed, barely breathing. I sit on the chair next to it, not wanting to disturb him. He has a two broken ribs, a punctured lung and some internal bleeding. But they left his face alone. The only sight of his abuse is the nose bleed and blood on his shirt.

Haymitch walks in a sits down next to me. "They sent us a video of what happened."

"Oh."

"I didn't watch it." He says.

This time I'm quiet.

"I don't need to see all that. I figured you could tell me. If you don't then I'll have to watch it."

"The patron wanted Peeta to do some things and he refused. Then the peacekeepers came in and held me back as they beat Peeta up."

"Hmm..."he says.

I can't just sit here. I need to do something. I stand and grab a washcloth. I walk over to Peeta and clean up his nose. The blood was getting crusty and dry.

I clean up his neck and Haymitch helps me pull off his shirt. He's sweaty and bloody. His body is bruised badly. I gently run the cloth over him. Haymitch leaves me to my work.

I carefully work around his broken ribs and lung as I wash him. Then I carefully take off his pants. Even after all that we've done I blush as I do so.

This reminds me of our games. When he was so confident in himself. I smile at the memory of me washing his clothes in the lake as he laughed at me for being so 'pure'.

Back when we actually were innocent.

Peeta groans in pain.

He slowly opens his eyes. His blue orbs meet mine as take his hand. He smiles just a bit.

"Hey." He says weakly.

"Hey."

He winces in pain. I run my fingers through his sweaty curls. "What's the damage?"

"Two broken ribs and a punctured lung."

He groans.

He tries to sit up but I stop him. "Just stay still. Don't hurt yourself. I'll clean you up."

I dip the rag in water again and wash over his legs. He stops me and says,"will you draw me a bath?"

"I thought you were the one who's artistic,"I joke. He starts to laugh but winces in pain. I squeeze his hand lightly and then walk into the bathroom and press the button that fills the bathtub with bubbles and hot water.

I choose the scent that Peeta will bathe in. I choose Tuscan woods and cinnamon rolls. It smells like him. Like home.

I step outside of the room to find Darius. "Hey,"I say rubbing my arm nervously. I don't really know how to talk to him.

He use to hit on me a lot which makes standing in front of him in a flimsy robe with nothing underneath a little awkward.

"Can you help me carry Peeta to the bath?"

He nods and follows me into the room. He's rather big and can carry Peeta easily. He lifts him carefully and sets him at the edge of the tub.

"Thank you,"I say to him. He bows and then walks out. I turn to Peeta and find him taking off his underwear. I turn away to give him privacy. But then I hear him grunt and say,"can you help me?"

I nod and turn around. He leans against the wall as I place my hands on each side of his hips and pull. Oddly enough there's nothing sexual about it. Then I help him into the tub.

He closes his eyes as he leans against the wall. I take the wash cloth and run it over his chest. He smiles and says,"join me."

I look at him flabbergasted. "W-what?"

"Why not? We've already seen each other naked, this tub is big enough, and you're stressed and deserve to relax."

"I don't know... I don't want to hurt you-"

"Please,"he says.

"Fine, but look away."

He smiles and does as I say. I know he's seen me naked but it's different while we're having sex. It becomes more like a job.

I slip off my clothes and step in, sitting across from him. This tub is nearly as big as my old room in the seam.

I lean against the back of the tub and sink into the tub. It feels nice, I have to admit. He smiles and says,"I'm sorry I got us into this mess."

"Peeta, what are you talking about? You didn't do anything. You saved us from having to do something unthinkable. Thank you. "

He closes his eyes and winces as he moves. I help him wash himself and then let him relax for a while. We end up falling asleep and when I wake up most of the bubbles have gone and the water is cold.

"Peeta wake up,"I say tickling his feet. He wakes up and groans.

I help him stand up and lead him to the bed.

I help him slip on some boxers and tuck him into the bed. The nurse comes in to the room to check on him. She gives him medicine and then leaves us.

Peeta struggles to stay awake. "Just let go. Sleep."

"Stay with me."

"Always."

I wake up to someone stroking my hair. I don't remember falling asleep, but somehow I've ended up with Peeta in his bed.

He looks worse than before, like he got no sleep. "How'd you sleep?" I ask.

"Horrible...sleeping pills." He says and that's all he has to say. I know exactly what he means. Sleeping pills are the worst thing for us. They trap us in our nightmares with no escape.

"I'll make sure they don't give those to you tonight."

"Thank you,"he says.

I carefully get up and order us some breakfast. I feed him so he has to move as little as possible. I check his bruises. They're even worse than before. There's a knock on the door.

Effie pokes her head in and says,"I have a special present for Peeta."

Then she walks in with her hand covering her eyes,"are you decent?"

We chuckle and shake our heads at her. "Yes, we're decent."

She walks over, her heels tapping as she walks,"this, Peeta my dear, is a very special serum. It will soothe your body like nothing else. You'll be pain free and smooth in no time. Rub it over your bruises and your chest. It will help you breathe easier."

"I would do it for you but my nails are long and I might scratch you."She says.

"I can do it,"I say taking the bottle from Effie. She smiles gratefully at me and then steps out. I squirt some of the serum onto my hands. It's cool and has a gel like texture. It's sparkly blue and smells like mint. I run my hands together and then slowly start to run my hands over his bare chest. He lets out a moan of relief.

"Is it working?" I ask.

"Yes,"he says softly as I continue to rub his chest. He takes a deep breath and holds it as I go over where his lungs are. I can see the pain in his face but he encourages me to go on.

I move down to his bruised knees and run my hands over them and up his thighs. I'm sure all of his muscles are sore.

"Okay, I need you to roll on your side. Can you do that for me?" He nods and I help him rollover ski can get to his back. His cries of pain stop me in my tracks but he tells me to keep going. This boy is so strong.

I run my hands over his back and sides. I watch as his muscles contract in pain and then relief. When I'm done he rolls back onto his back. His panting hard.

"I'm so sorry,"I whisper to him. He shakes his head and then closes his eyes. "Don't worry about it."

"Try to get some rest,"I tell him before walking out. I meet Haymitch at the bar. He's drunk out of his mind already.

I sit down next to him and he doesn't say anything. He just pushes an envelope towards me. I open the envelope up and read the letter.

I gasp and drop the letter. It's from Snow.

He wants me to still 'preform' tonight, by myself. Or I can be with another victor, or Peeta. I feel sick. There's no way Peeta can perform, he hurt. And I can't do this with another victor... I think I'll have to do this by myself.

I start to hyperventilate. Haymitch places a hand on my shoulder and pulls me into his arms. It's rare that Haymitch shows affection.

"I'm so sorry,"he whispers,"I'm doing everything I can."

I'm silent.

"I have some friends that can help you." He says. "They'll meet you after the session, at the clover club."

I nod.

I walk back into Peeta's room before I leave. He's still asleep. I kiss his forehead before I slip away.

After the session, I slink slowly into the club. It's filled with victors. But it's not like any club in the capitol. It's not too overdone, relaxing even.

Finnick Odair, the peacock of the capitol walks up to me and flashes a smile. "Katniss Everdeen, first time here I see... Haymitch told me you'd be here. He said it would be worth my time."

I shiver at his attempts to hit on me. I'm disgusted. "Come on girl on fire,"he says. I roll my eyes. Haymitch better have a reason for this. I've already had a horrible night.

He leads me into a private room. Inside is Johanna Mason. "Bout time you showed up!" She says impatiently.

"Wait, you're the friends Haymitch wanted me to see? How are you supposed to help me?"

Johanna stands from her relaxed position on the couch,"listen up, princess. Finnick and I were the top rated victors on the market, that is until you and bread boy popped up. Not that I'm complaining. It has made my work slower. And yet, I still hate you for it."

"Why?" I asks confused.

"You have Peeta. A barrier between you and them. You may not know who's watching, but at least you know who you're fucking." She says bitterly as she spits her words at me. She drinks more from her cup then slumps into the cushions of the couch.

Finnick gives her a scolding look before returning to me,"what Jo means to say is, we're sorry you're going through this and we can understand your pain."

I've never seen this side of Finnick before. There's nothing seductive or charming to it. He seems genuine and kind. Understanding. He doesn't look at me like I'm a meal. He looks at me with sad eyes.

"Haymitch told me about tonight... about you being alone. You're still so young... only two years older than I was. You don't have to talk to us, but at least listen."

I look at him surprised. He smiles and says,"don't judge a book by its cover, Katniss."

I can't help but smile a little.

"How do you do it?" I ask.

"What?" He asks.

"Deal with it. I didn't even have sex with the guy nut I still feel disgusted and violated."

"You learn to not feel,"Johanna says with a far off look. "You let them do their work and you just close yourself off. Sometimes it's not that bad, you just have to let go and forget where you are."

"I think about my loved one,"Finnick says," I think about how I'm saving her by complying. I put on a happy face, do my work, and for another day, she's safe."

"Have a drink,"Johanna says,"it helps you forget." I shake my head remembering last time I drank.

"Suit yourself,"she saying taking a swig from the jar.

I stay there for a while and then I go back to the loft. Haymitch is passed out st the bar. Effie sits on the couch reading a book.

"Hello, Katniss." She says. She looks tired.

"Hey, Effie...it's late"

"I wanted to make sure you got home safely. I can't sleep until my victors are safe."

I offer her a smile and then go into Peeta's room. He's awake.

"You left." He states.

"Yeah."

"You went alone." He doesn't meet my eyes.

I nod.

"You were gone long."

"I was with Finnick Odair and Johanna Mason." That doesn't seem to ease his tension. If anything it makes him more upset.

"Why would you..."he trails off.

"They were helping me...helping me deal with everything."

He nods understanding.

"Did you...did he..?" He can't quite make his words but I understand what he's saying.

"No. We didn't do anything. Well, he didn't do anything to me. Just watched. " Peeta takes a deep breath.

And now I truly appreciate Peeta being with me during those sessions. Being watched alone is the worst thing I've ever done. I was actually afraid that he was going to hurt me because I didn't know what to do.

I don't realize until I feel his thumb on my cheek that I'm crying. He pulls me into his arms. He winces in pain but pulls me even closer.

"I'm sorry,"he says.

"Peeta-" but he cuts me off by pulling my lips to his. I'm shocked but I relax into his lips. Closing my eyes, I relax into his arms. His grip on me tightens as I lean in a little bit to him. My hands fist in his hair as he leans against the headboard.

His hands reach around to my backside and run underneath my shirt. His tongue slips into my mouth and I can feel him growing hard underneath me. The kiss grows in passion with each passing second. I can feel his pain and possession.

Then he groans but it's a groan of pain. I pull back and move off his lap. He closes his eyes and I stare at my hands.

"You need to rest Peeta."

"I've been resting all night."

"You need to heal Peeta." I say standing up.

"Will you stay with me?" He asks.

"Always." I climb into bed with him and curl up to his side.


	6. Chapter 6

Katniss pov

I wake up to Peeta groaning in pain. I sit up and scream at what I see. He's coughing up blood. I scream for someone. Haymitch runs in with Effie right behind. Effie screams but Haymitch sends her to go get a medic.

I grab Peeta's hand. He squeezes it but let's go as he falls back. I scream and grab onto him. "Out of the way, Sweetheart!" Haymitch says throwing me back. I fall back and roll off the bed. I hit the floor hard hitting my head on the ground. I bite back a groan. Several medics run in grabbing him off the bed and putting him onto a stretcher.

I'm still crying on the floor as I watch him being carried off out of the room. I shake and cry. "They're going to hurt him! They're going to take him!" I scream.

I stand and take off for the door, but Haymitch grabs me by my wrists and steps in front of me. I hit his chest hard and try to move past him.

"No!"I scream.

"Katniss! Stop! Stop it! Katniss!"

I look up into his eyes and stop screaming. Instead I go limp and cry into his chest. Haymitch holds me as he says, "it's going to be okay. They're helping him. It's his lung."

"They're going to hurt him," I whisper.

"They're going to help him,"he says.

When I calm down, Haymitch tells me what's going on.

"Peeta's lung was punctured. Last night they put in a temporary tube to help him breath but it filled with blood and they had to take him to surgery. It was only temporary. But the surgery is going to fix it."

"But he'll be okay?"

Haymitch looks at me concerned but he doesn't answer me. He doesn't know. Unconvincingly he says,"yes. He'll be okay."

An hour later, Peeta is wheeled into the room. He looks like hell, but he looks like him. He's sweating. The medics help him into the bed where I run t his side.

He takes my hand in his and then says, "I need you to help me get out of these clothes. The medicine they gave me is making me feel like my insides are on fire. Once the burning goes away they said the cool will kick in and I'll be freezing. And once that's over, I'll be healed."

I grab the hem of his shirt and carefully pull it over his head. There's a small pink scar that I on his left peck. And a white patch diagonal to it.

I carefully run my hand over the scar. My fingers barely grazing it.

Yesterday there was a gash, today a simple scar.

"It's amazing what the medicine can do." He says. I think of how much Prim would love to be able to study the medicine and technology the capitol uses for surgery.

I remove his pants next, leaving him in only his underwear. I grab a wet wash cloth and run it over his forehead as he sweats. Then I run it down his chest and arms.

Then his thighs and legs. He looks so uncomfortable. I want to distract him for the pain and heat. I want to take his mind off of this torture.

"What Can I do to help?"

"Distract me. I don't care what you do, just distract me."

How the hell am I supposed to distract him. If anything I'm more distracted by him. That's when an idea pops into my head.

He's an 18 year old male.

I reach for the hem of my shirt. Peeta averts his eyes until I whisper his name. Then his eyes meet mine. I reach behind me and unclasp my bra. It falls to the bed and he fights a moan. Then I take his hands and place them on my breasts.

"Katniss!"He gasps. Instinctively he squeezes lightly. Then he runs his thumb over my nipple, making them hard.

This actually feels nice. I close my eyes. Peeta pulls me closer to him. I straddle his hips and lean my body into his. He's hot to the touch. He leans in and kisses my neck. I slowly find against him, trying not to move him too much.

He thrusts against me hard, causing me to squeak. His tongue slips into my mouth as he kisses me hard. My hand reaches down to grip him. He moans my name. He kisses between my breasts and I tug at his hair. He's sweating. I gasp his name.

Then his body goes ridged. "Peeta? What is it?" I look at him worried. He starts shivering.

"It's so-o c-cold." He says.

The second part of the medicine is kicking in. I start to pull away but his hands grab my thighs, stopping me. "Don't."

I lean forward and he lays back, pulling me on top of him. I grab the blanket and lay it over us. I know he's freezing. His hands run down my back and grip my behind. Then he tenses.

I slowly move off of him and put my shirt back on. He goes to protest but I shut him up with a soft kiss and curl up to his chest. He kisses my forehead and pulls me close to him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to move too fast-"he starts but I quiet him.

"You didn't do anything." I just moved too fast and too far. I crossed a line tonight.

He continues to shiver so I wrap a thick blanket around us. His body is so warm yet he's freezing.

He pulls me in tighter. Searching for warmth. My hands dip under the band of him pants and slip slowly into his underwear. He makes a noise that sounds like a grunt but I continue. His heartbeat quickens but his breathing slows.

My hand wraps around the smooth silky skin of his penis. Slowly I move my hand up and down his length. He grunts my name and starts to sweat. I kiss his chest and continue to move my hand. I reach down a little further to fondle his balls a little.

"God Katniss!" He moans. I smile.

I move my hand faster. I'm still new at this but I think I'm getting better. Peeta bites his lip. When he starts to sweat I know I'm doing my job.

Peeta grips the sheets as he comes with a shout. My name on his lips. He lays back panting. His cheeks are flushed. He can't even speak. I clean up my hand and then crawl back into bed with him. I wrap my arms around him. He's warm.

"Katniss...I'm not cold anymore." He says quietly.

"That's good. You should be healed." He leans down and kisses me softly. Then he's asleep in my arms in no time.

When I wake up, Peeta isn't in bed. I panic for a moment, until I see him walking in from the bathroom. He looks healed. His body is strong and I can finally look at him without being worried. I can actually look at him. And I like what I see.

He's shirtless so his chest is exposed to me. He's strong, tall, muscular even. He's turning into a man right before my eyes, but I haven't even noticed because I look at him like a kicked puppy.

He has a hint of some abs forming, his harms are big, and his pecks are even defined. There's a trail of hair that leads down between the v of his hips. Not too much.

He catches me staring and clears his throat. My eyes snap up to his eyes.

"Have you been working out?" I say quietly.

He nods. "We have a lot of time now. My parents kicked me out of the bakery so when we're home, I work out. Sometimes here. Not often. I prefer to bake."

He lays down on the bed right next to me but not touching. "Do you feel healed?"

"Yes, a little sore but other than that I feel perfectly fine."

He doesn't look at me. He doesn't touch me. He just stares at the wall.

"Peeta?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything.

"Peeta look at me."

He reluctantly does. "I'm sorry," he says softly.

"Stop. Stop acting like a kicked puppy or else I'm never going to look at you like anything else."

He nods and says,"then I won't." And with that he gets up.

I sigh because I know I've crossed a lot of lines. But physically he's healed and that's what matters the most right now.

When I finally get up and go to the dinning room, Haymitch and Peeta are sitting there. "Pack your things, sweetheart, we're going home."


	7. Chapter 7

Katniss pov

We get home, and things are even more awkward than the train. It's like everything that happened didn't and we're back to the start. I avoid him, and he keeps to himself. It's just like before.

He doesn't come over and I don't leave. Until one day I was on my way back from the woods, and there he was. He stands on my front porch facing the door with flowers in his hand.

"Peeta?" I call. He turns around surprised.

"Katniss,"He says awkwardly ,"Prim invited me for dinner."

I lead him inside. Of course. Count on Prim to play match maker. When we get inside, Prim is running around the kitchen trying to cook.

"Are those flowers? For Katniss?"she asks.

"Oh! Uh... yeah, yes they are,"He says awkwardly and plucks one of the daisies from the bouquet and hands me them. Then he turns and hands Prim the one he plucked. "For the young lady."

"Oh thank you!"she blushes.

Then she gives him a big hug and turns away to continue cooking.

"Oh darn!" She cries,"I forgot the asparagus! I have to run to the store! I'll be back!" She tells as she grabs her coin purse and runs out of the house.

I set down my game bag and my arrow sheath. I can feel him watching meWe've been avoiding each other. When I turn around I can see It in his eyes. He doesn't know if he wants to yell at me or kiss me...

"What have you been up to since we came home?" He asks.

"Just hunting, back to my old routine."I state.

"And sleeping?" He asks.

"I don't. You?"

"Never." He says.

"What have you been doing?"

"Painting mostly. Baking."

"What do you paint?" I ask as I walk closer to him.

"I paint my dreams. And my dreams are always about the past."

"You paint the games?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes it's more recent." He says as his hand lightly falls on my thigh. My eyes meet his and this his how we stay. My hand mirrors his and falls on his thighs.

We sit there frozen starring at each other. Each one buzzing with energy. Pent up energy we've had since we got back.

He leans his face in slowly until his lips touch mine. His hand reaches around and grips my head as he deeply kisses me. His tongue mingles with mine as he pulls me closer. My arms wrap around his neck as I slowly crawl onto his lap.

His hands grip my hips.

"Eh-hem." We hear from behind. I turn to find my mom walking into the kitchen. I quickly crawl off of Peeta's lap and back into my own chair. Peeta's face is bright red.

"I need to go,"Peeta says standing up and walking out of the house.

"Wait-" I call out but it's too late.

My mom walks over to me and takes a seat. "Anything you want to talk about?" My mom asks.

"No."

"Katniss, you haven't talked since you came home. Katniss what happened in the capitol?"

"I can't tell you, mom." I say standing up and walking out. I run over to Peeta's house. When I go in, I don't find him right away. I wander around until I go into the third room down the hall.

He's sitting on a chair painting. I gasp when I see the room. His paintings fill the room. He paints his dreams.

Me. My face is everywhere. In the games. On the victory tour. Naked on a bed. I'm everywhere.

"Katniss!" He says alarmed. "I uh...I'm sorry...this is how I cope with everything that's happened-"

"Shh."I say as I walk near him. I stand right in front of him. Nose to nose.

He puts his hands on my hips and presses his forehead to mine. Our eyes close and he pushes our hips together.

His lips graze mine. My hands go on his chest as I unbutton his shirt. He lifts up my leg and wraps It around his waist. His lips move down to my neck and collarbone.

He moves me to the couch in the room. His hands move to undo my pants. I can feel him hard against my thigh. His breathing in my ear as he works on me.

His eyes stare into mine, as if he's remembering everything about me for later. He traces my body with his fingers.

"What are we doing, Katniss,"he whispers to me. He sits up and the light hits him like he is a god. He's beautiful.

"Trying to forget. Trying to feel." I say as I openhandedly run my hand from his naval to his chest and back.

He looks me in the eye and says the same thing he said to me in the train station after our games.

"I don't want to forget."

"Then feel." I say reaching up to grab him by the collar...

After I lay on top of him.

Peeta strokes my hair and says,"what's wrong with us?"

"We're messed up." I say.

He kisses my forehead. His hand runs over my back and presses me into his chest, I press my cheek into his chest and close my eyes.

"How do we get through all of this? How do we live."

"We survive. We try to feel."

"Katniss, I cant live without you." I freeze.

"Peeta," I say,"I-"

"It's okay... you don't have to say anything." He says.

I don't know what to do. I'm not great with emotions. But I can hear the disappointment in his voice as I stay silent. So I curl up to him even more. And I stay silent.

We stay like that for a while until it's dark and I need to go home. When I get home I shower and then go to Prim's room. She's asleep so I lightly pet her hair and remind myself why I try.


End file.
